When I was pregnant with my first boy someone suggested I join an internet forum for mothers to be (or something) and it was all a bit of an eye opener. I duly joined and occasionally posted a little message about something fascinating (at least I thought so - it made a change from northernbritney101's endless questions about the size of her nipples that everyone seemed desperate to reply to) and would muse important matters like oh my god does this mean I have to buy a people carrier (yep that's where the blog name came from) and what precisely was the strength of drugs used and was it possible to give birth while unconscious without actually being cut open.This was and still is my preferred birthing experience - as yet I'm not aware it's available.
Needless to say I was a bit of an oddity on the board but watched with bemused interest as I got more and more addicted to deciphering the abbreviations people used.....such as...
1. I got my AF = am not pregnant aunt flo just paid a visit (yeuch!)
2. BFP! BFP! = big fat positive I am indeed pregnant and god help me when my husband who is infertile finds out (ok I'm making that up)
3. BFN = I'm not pregnant thank the lord wasn't sure what colour it might be/ damn that's my new council house down the pan (hands up that last bit is also not true)
And my absolute favourite - which I found on the 'trying to get pregnant board' which I went onto by mistake....drum roll please....EWCM. Now this took weeks to figure out....and it means - well, have a guess. A prize for the winner. Clue - it's gross and it's entirely possible that only a woman obsessed with conception would ever know.
So, having wombled about in this cyber world of chattering and sometimes bitching brood mares ( oh man the virtual hair pulling was awesome!), and avoiding the bossy one who insisted on organising everyone into due date, sex if known etc jesus the list went on. Oh, nearly forgot my other favourite....
BD (this took nearly my entire pregnancy to work out) = baby dancing ie shagging.
Having wombled in - I realised that sometimes things can kick off. I mean really really kick off. I learnt what a troll is - and I loved the outrageous bored (bloke probably) who posted something like 'I think any woman who works and doesn't breastfeed should have her children taken away' Oh the sheer joy of reading the outraged and pompous indignation of Grace123 was beyond joy. I really did enjoy the whole thing for all the wrong reasons.
So when it kicked off on the board and people got really nasty the moderator would pop in with some self righteous rhetoric about how everyone has a different view etc and sometimes she would even delete posts! The ultimate red card!!!
Things progressed when I had Henry and joined up again for 9 more months of entirely justifiable gossip and silliness - and when he arrived 3 months early my 'friends' sent me an email via the moderator asking for my address and a large bouquet and a teddy bear arrived 'From your friends on Jan 05 (even though technically now you should join Oct 04 but don't worry)
All very bizarre. I was reflecting on this yesterday as I logged into another site where you could request advice on holiday cock-ups. I had indeed joined and requested advice - but unfortunately not realised that the entire board is populated by defensive, deranged and looking for a punch up travel agents.
So I almost fell off my chair to see about 39 posts after my fairly candid (ok - I slated them) note about how First choice have royally screwed me and how I will get medieval with their asses to recover my 4 grand.
It might have been wise, as the moderator (YES! A YELLOW CARD!) pointed out to have perhaps familiarised myself with the board before sticking my message up. Part of me wanted to just walk away, but no, I just had to post a sarcastic message saying 'I'm so sorry - but I think the clue I followed was in the whole please post your complaints here section which I foolishly interpreted as a place to post a complaint. Silly me. Whatever next? I'll be trusting a travel agent!' This got the full RED CARD treatment and I am now the proud owner of what could probably be called a travel agent fatwa (fat arsed travel wanker agents for short) and should probably get police protection.
The good news is that before getting my head kicked in i did get the name of a lawyer who gives free travel advice.
EWCM - worked it out yet???
