Ok so just as I recover from apparently regaining a much loved 12 yr old nephew - fresh from the carnage of a divorce from long ago and just emerging from the venom that my ex sister-in-law marinaded it in - I now seem to be collecting new arrrivals at quite a pace.

Obviously, as I mentioned before, usually as one family comet comes into my solar system another disappears into darkness(most recently much loved and very stroppy niece who,once immune from the venom has now decided to devour it as it feeds her view that anyone who comments on her behaviour is satan especially if related to her father. Bugger)

However, in the past week I was overjoyed to get a text from my sister in law with a photo of the first scan of her baby. And my brother's of course. This little black and white picture meant more than I thought it would. New life is always pretty exciting, but somehow this baby heralds a properly new start for my tiny family. I'm sad that it'll have no grandparents on our side, and oddly daunted that I'll be its eldest female relation on our side, and very very excited to hold that fresh new life and promise that I'll do more to protect it should my brother's life implode again. It won't I'm sure....but just in case....it wasn't even his fault.. but even so....

Up until I had my second child news of a pregnancy had me gnashing about whether I was ever going to have a second. I craved a companion for Charlie, it meant the world and almost cost me everything you can't value in money to achieve it.

Now when I see someone glowing about their tests results I feel two things:

1. Immense relief that my baby rearing days and associated stress and lack of sleep are over
2. Immense relief that my baby rearing days and associated stress and lack of sleep are over.

And when that's passed I do this

1. Mentally calcluate what childcare alone has cost me in the past 7 years (14k per annum the rest is history)
2. Cancel that out with the incalculable joy I have had and continue to have every single day from my baby boys
3. Wonder just how many hearts they will break
4 Plan what me and Mr PR will be doing when they are away from the nest our work is done - except for being cashpoints obviously.

So overall I feel like someone at a sensible and safe distance from the action, I have wisdom about the reality, and no desire to go back there.I smile at the exciting retail trips the expectant ones plan, I'll pore over which buggy to choose (knowing babies don't care) which cot to choose (ditto) and which classical music to play it (ditto) Which makes me a jolly good sister in law/friend to have I think. Except for any late stage pregnancy issues of course, I have never got past 33 weeks so the whole concept of getting fed up with being pregnant is something to avoid when talking to me as I'm likely to offer stories of ventilators and sepsis and 2 pound babies as an alternative to 'really wishing it was out now' grrrr

And then, as arrivals is today's missive, a whole pile of frineds ghosts and feuds of long ago found me on facebook. My god, I've been overwhelmed by everyone's news. I can't even remember why some of us aren't in touch anymore - just kids, jobs and life I guess. And that's how come I'm visiting a very dear old mate on Saturday who has had 3 limbs removed to save him from a diabetic coma. A healthy jolt of reality for anyone thinking of whining about life I'd say...

And finally, the biggest arrival of all, my step daughter - missing in action after a 5 year strop - came to see us on Saturday with her 2 kids. My, er, er, step grandchildren. And charming they were. And she, after all these years had this extraordinary ability to walk in as if we'd seen her just the day before. So she's back, and it was bizarre watching Mr PR tenderly wipe the hands of his 18 month old grand daughter. Bizarre but touching somehow - and she for her part, and her big brother Louie, were delightful. I didn't confuse Charlie and Henry by announcing that Zoe is their sister (eh?) and that the children were their niece and nephew (can you imagine trying to explain that one) and will gently introduce the matter some time in the future.

We are still getting Charlie past wanting a pet tarantula, obsessing about having a fifty pound note, and convincing Henry to do a pooh in the garden (yes it's an oldie but a funny and took my mind off the ironing tonight)

Advanced family stuff is not a priority conversation right now. And I for one am keen to ensure the departures lounge stays empty for long enough for him not to be totally confused.

I'm confused enough....