I bought us a new fridge last week. Very exciting. Trundled round Currys for ages gawping firstly at something I resent having to pay for at all, and then gawping at the excitable women explaining to bored men why smeg was the only possible way to go in the coldness department. As the men yawned, the women smelt triumph, and so did the saleschild (sorry they are children I don't care what the labour laws decree - currys and comet employ children)

I can't get het up about fridges. As far as I can tell they're all the same but if you really are crazy you pay for a smeg one, if you really have pretensions to the american dream you buy one bigger than my car and everyone that sees it will outwardly ooh with envy but inwardly say ' wankers who do they think they are the Ewings?' and that leaves you with thin ones in silver or black or white.

Charlie and I agreed that a fridge should not be the focal point of the kitchen

'Get that one Mum, it's got a water thingy'

Oh dear, the only gadget in sight and he spotted it.

I was by now beyond bored and realising that no amount of wandering round 20 foot high fridges would make them free so I got the one with the water thingy.

400 quid lighter I went home and lost the receipt/delivery note etc. This didn't come to light till midnight the day of delivery and Mr PR threw a minor hissy fit about how when HE buys things from Currys all is good and when I buy things from Currys it all goes wrong....cheek...

'Sorry love it doesn't say we'll take the old one'

Mr PR rolled his eyes and his nicotine patch

'Hang on, I expressly asked the saleschild, Charlie was his name, to put this on the order'

'Well he hasn't'

'Well that's not my fault - why would I want to keep the old one? He's made a mistake!'

Luckily the nice one of the two relented and said they'd take it - and I gave them a tenner.

We unwrapped our new toy, with the water thingy that we don't need, and there was much oohing and ahhing at the sheer sparkliness that is a new fridger freezer.

Bored by now I wandered off to flick through the instructions, mainly I wanted to know what superfreeze was. Could I point it at the children like a gun when they were naughty I wondered?

Anyway, I learnt two very impportant things.

Number 1 - never ever put a living thing (eg pet or child)in the freezer. The instructions say so - ensure that everything you put in there is already dead. Phew....lucky I read it eh?

Number 2 - before disposing of old fridge, remove all shelves - but be aware that in doing this you will have created a 'Child Entrapment Danger' Make sure, as the fridge is taken away on a trolley, that all of your children are present and correct and not in fact hiding in the old fridge (as they do) because the fridge will go to a recycling plant and little johnny may spend the rest of his days as an icecube tray.

So - don't say I didn't warn you.

Still none the wiser about superfreeze....but I think it was reading time well sepnt don't you?